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deadlyscarlet) wrote2012-07-11 01:58 am
BABY! PLEASE LOOK AT ME - 1/2
Title: Baby! Please, Look at me
Chapter: 1/2
Author: deadlyscarlet
Beta: N/A
Genre: AU/ Romance/ Slight Fluff/ Angst
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Language, Mention of Death, Suicide Attempt, Oral, Sex
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha[
Band: the GazettE
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Kai, OCs
Synopsis: Aoi who had been betrayed by his long time girlfriend refuses to indulge himself in the feeling called LOVE as he fears that he might not survive another betrayal. But he isn’t very lucky when his eyes lay upon the beautiful Uruha. When Aoi decides to put aside his fears and fall in love one more time, he faces another heart break when Uruha relays that he has fallen in love with some other man. When Aoi is ready to give up on Uruha, news reaches his ears that Uruha’s boyfriend is dead. Is this a second chance given to Aoi?
A big thank you to the lovely ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
veroxion for always being there for me. I was so nervous about posting this. But like always she read the entire thing for me and assured me by giving me confidence. I don't know what I would be able to do without you sweet heart ^_^
Read the Author's Note at the end ^_^
-AOI-
“I remember it like yesterday, the day I first met you and fell in love with you, my beloved Uruha.”
I moved into a brand new apartment in a very peaceful neighborhood. I had been searching for a decent place for a while now ever since I broke up with my girlfriend, Manami. We had been living together for nearly three years. She and I were dating each other from high school. She was beautiful, soft brown hair that fell to her waist, slightly tanned skin, chocolate brown eyes, thin lips and a hot body accentuated with sexy curves. She was the most popular girl back in our school always attracting a humungous amount of testosterones. One day she walked up to me and boldly asked me to go out with her. I really couldn’t believe my luck at that moment. I had always liked her for as long as I could remember. But I was too shy and fear of rejection never allowed me to muster my courage and confess my feelings towards her. So when she came and proposed to me like that I immediately agreed. Days passed and we found the two of us madly in love with each other. The first time I made love to her, I felt like I was in heaven. I was young and I was in love. On New Year’s Day, she and I made a promise in front of the shrine to marry each other and be together forever. At that moment I felt like I could conquer the entire world if I wanted to. After we both graduated together from high school, the two of us left Mie together to settle down in the lively and luxuriant Tokyo. I joined University taking up Management as my major. I still hadn’t planned my future, so like everyone else I went with the flow and signed up for the most common thing, hoping to make things work out later. During the day I attended university and the remaining time I worked part time at a music store. Manami on the other hand started modeling which really was the reason why she had been so intent on moving to Tokyo in the first place.
Manami’s modeling career was a failure and didn’t go very well. Competition was tough as there were women much prettier than her and more talented too. She on the other hand was just a girl who had spent most of her life in a small town like Mie. She tuned bitchy, almost always getting completely intoxicated with alcohol and cussing her head out about the women she couldn’t beat and the agents who took no heed of her. There wasn’t much I could do to help her. She had changed. She didn’t feel like the girl I had fallen in love during high school anymore. I still continued to love her though hoping that she would revert back to her old self someday. But she was only becoming worse. Sometimes I felt that she only chose to continue the arrangement of living together as there was no way she could survive more than ten days if she was left alone to fend for herself. I was getting really tired of taking care as well as providing for her since the meager amount of money she made out of her trivial jobs never was enough even for the makeup she bought for herself. I worked my ass off every single day as life in Tokyo was difficult. The prices were ridiculously high hindering me from even treating myself to proper food. I was almost always tired as I was depleted of both food and energy. Of course my parents sent me money every month, but it got used up on the apartment rent. I repeatedly tried to explain to Manami that the apartment we were living in was too expensive and we had to move. But she wouldn’t listen as she had a thing for living in luxury. But her dream of grandeur was only draining my blood.
One day I walked in on something which I wish I had never set my eyes upon. It was one of the rare occasions where my boss decided to be generous. There were very few customers that day and soon the shop was almost empty by afternoon. My boss, who had some other appointment in his agenda closed up the store and relieved me for the day. Before I left, he gave me a bonus and chided me playfully for not taking care of myself properly and losing weight. I decided to go back home and take Manami out to a restaurant as it had been ages since we both had done anything since University and part time job were almost always taking up all the hours of a day. I excitedly walked into my apartment in order to surprise to her only to get surprised and shocked instead. It was one of the dirtiest surprises. I found Manami naked on our bed with three men. She was moaning out loud while all the three men ravished her at the same time. It was obvious that the men weren’t forcing themselves on her as she was begging for more like a filthy whore. I stared in shock, my entire world shattering into pieces. I didn’t know what to do. Should I laugh? Should I cry? I really didn’t know. I just stood there wishing that I was anywhere else but there. Finally, I peeled my eyes away from the abhorrent scene and turned on my heels to walk out of the door.
“Aoi”, I heard a shocked cry behind my back.
I didn’t turn back. I walked away swearing never to return to that dreadful place ever again.
I cleaned my stuff out of the apartment the very next day. Manami begged and pleaded asking me stay with her. She tried convincing me that she was sleeping around only for the sake of her career. Some of the agents demanded that she sleep with them in order to get a job. She kept swearing that I was the one she loved. But no, it wasn’t helping at all. If she really loved me, she would have told me the truth about what she had been doing behind my back. She wouldn’t have used me like a slave. I always placed her and her needs above my own so that she would be happy. But to her it was only herself and not me. There never was me. I was a fool, because it took me nearly three years to realize this. Is love always this cruel? If this was love then I don’t want it anymore. Biding her good bye, I left hoping never to set my eyes upon her ever again.
My university friend Kai offered to let me stay at his place until I found a new place for myself. I was heartbroken over Manami. There were days when I went without food due to the immense guilt and betrayal I felt due to her. Kai, a really nice guy took very good care of me. He forced me to eat so that I wouldn’t die due to starvation. He cooked for me and helped me regain some of the weight I had lost ever since I started living in Tokyo. Not only did he heal me physically, he helped me get over my emotional turmoil as well. Soon with his help I started smiling once again and memories of Manami slowly started to fade. But there still was a permanent scar in me which I knew would never let me fall in love again. Love hurts like hell and I wasn’t ready to face the pain.
Once I knew I was ready to move out, I started hunting for apartments this time a much smaller one.
The new apartment was small, but really convenient and comfortable. But above all it was affordable. The neighborhood was peaceful with really kind people in the vicinity. Kai helped me purchase most of the furniture I required and the house was set in a day. He stayed with me for a while before heading back to his own place. I still hadn’t set the kitchen up completely so there was no means of preparing a meal that night. The convenient store was close by so I immediately made up my mind to make a stop in order to buy something to eat. The store was really cheap and before I knew it my hands were laden with numerous amounts of shopping bags. I was dumbstruck. I didn’t know what to do. There was no possibility of me carrying them single-handedly all the way back to my apartment.
“Need help with those?”
I turn around with gratitude to direct my eyes towards my life-saver. My breath hitches. An Angel? I think. You are beautiful, so beautiful that I could only stare. Pale skin that glowed a bit in the neon lights of the store. Honey blond hair carefully stylized and falling smoothly on your forehead. Aureate eyes that twinkled with kindness. Tall, fragile figure. A sweet smile on your face. A celestial being on a visit to Earth. Blood rushes into my head, obliterating all my thoughts, disabling me to think any further. I stand like an idiot with my mouth slightly open. My heart is pounding like crazy, threatening to fall out of my chest any moment now. I wish I could explain to you how I felt. Have you ever felt a million things happen to you at the same moment? Well that’s exactly how I feel, my darling. Wait? Did I just say darling? I thought I would never be able to fall in love with anyone again. And not to mention you are a guy. You look feminine yes, an immense beauty but the deep alto tone to your voice was enough to alert me about your gender. I can’t love again. I won’t love again. I don’t want to face heartbreak one more time. I would die this time for sure.
“Ah, maybe you don’t need help I guess.”
“Ano, I do need help, please”, I finally snap out of my reverie. I don’t want to fall in love with you but I still want to spend more time with you. So I accept your kind help without any hesitation. You reach over to take half of my bags. A slight graze of your fingers on my skin, raises the temperature of my body. I try my best to hide the pink on my face and walk forward to lead the way to my apartment. You try to start a light conversation with me. You ask me about where I am from and what I do and how long I have been here? In return you tell me that you live in the same neighborhood too. For some reason I feel immensely overjoyed on hearing that you and I just lived a few meters apart. You keep talking about various things while I chose to remain silent. I love it though, the deep tenor of your tone. Everything about you I admire.
We reach my apartment too soon. I am disappointed. Soon you will be leaving me behind. I didn’t want that. You walk into my home along with me to deposit the bags in the living room floor. I offer you a drink but you refuse since you had to rush. I am disappointed. I hate to see you leave. My disappointed expression seemed to have not escaped your observation. You immediately placate me by promising to meet me often as you don’t have many friends in the neighborhood and also you enjoy my company even though we had just met. I felt my face burn with the happiness that I couldn’t obscure. Before leaving you turn around to look at me with a shy smile and ask for my name. I couldn’t help chuckling. We both have been talking without even bothering to ask the other’s name. Aoi, I say. Uruha you answer in return. Uruha. Uruha, of graceful beauty. If anyone ever deserved that name then it had to be you. The person who created that elegant kanji must have thought about you while creating it. Uruha, I breathe.
Like you had promised you came over to my apartment the very next day and invited me for coffee. Like a kid, my body shook with excitement as I happily followed you to the cafeteria, a place you say that you really love. You say it is your treat and buy me my favorite cappuccino. We chat for a while, before you change the topic to my life and how I ended up in Tokyo in the first place. I tell you everything without holding back. It’s strange though. I don’t remember ever telling it to any of my friends. Even Kai, he figured it out himself as he has known me ever since I moved into Tokyo. Manami might have wronged me gravely. Still I never thought it was right to gossip about her behind her back and make everyone else hate her. To you I poured my heart out. For some reason I didn’t feel hurt like I was supposed to be. Manami was just a memory now, a memory that got completely erased after I laid my eyes upon you. But then, your pretty aureate eyes tear up and a flood flows down your pink tinted cheeks. Like a child you bawl your eyes out holding my hand in between your palms. My heart broke at that moment not because of my past but due to you, Uruha. I never want to see you cry. It’s too heart wrenching. I make a firm vow at that moment to never make you cry ever.
We met each other almost everyday. Even though I had University and a part time job, I still managed to clear up some time just for you. Every random moment was treasured by me. Soon, I knew what your hobbies were, how you liked to take your coffee, what sort of food you like, what were your favorite colors, what music you preferred, what was your favorite climate, what were the type of clothes you loved to wear, everything about you I knew like the back of my hand. Whenever we went out for drinks you completely get intoxicated because of your undying love for alcohol. At such times, I always carry you back to my apartment because I was too afraid to let you be on your own as you were too vulnerable. Of course there was the added excuse that I want you to sleep on my bed. During those nights, I never sleep a wink. I remain awake watching your beautiful, full, pouty lips slightly open; your smooth chest falling up and down as the sounds of your breathing fills my bed room. I couldn’t help but worship you, Uruha.
You are a really kind person too. We had known each other only for a few months before I suddenly fall sick. Maybe the exhaustion due to both University and work finally took over me and I collapse on my way home. During my recuperation, you stay over in my place the entire while until I recovered completely. Every night you stay up until I fell asleep sponging away the heat of my body so that I could sleep peacefully. You even made delicious rice porridges so that I could bounce back to health as quickly as possible. I don’t remember even my parents taking care of me that way because I had two older brothers and a sister. Their hands were already full with caring for four children. I didn’t mind though. But when I see you taking care of me so devotedly, I feel really happy, Uruha.
One afternoon on our day off, when you and I were walking to the Yakitori shop as we were too lazy to cook, a dog got run over by a car right in front of our eyes. The driver never bothered to stop the car. But you release a shrill scream as you ran all the way to the injured dog ignoring the other oncoming cars. My heart almost stops as I run after you not wanting you to get hurt. You on the other hand not worrying about yourself hastily ran to the poor injured animal and drop on to your knees. By one look, I knew there was no helping the poor creature as it had already lost too much blood. I am sure you were aware of that too. But you still hail a taxi and plead with the driver to take you to the hospital so that the dog could be treated. The driver was hesitant as he didn’t want his car to get soiled. Seeing the helpless look on your face, I couldn’t take it anymore. I offer the taxi driver to pay him extra which he greedily accepted. Soon you and I rush to the nearby hospital with the injured animal in our hands. We wait outside while the poor dog was being treated. But like I feared the poor animal couldn’t be saved.
“Uru”, I turn around not knowing what to talk.
Your knees buckle and you fall to the floor. Sobs racked through your fragile profile as you wept miserably. My heart breaks seeing you like that, Uruha. I kneel down beside you and take you in my arms. All that I could do was whisper sweet nothings into your ear assuring you that everything will be alright. You repeatedly blame yourself for the death of the poor dog. How could you blame yourself, Angel? It really wasn’t your fault. I couldn’t help but let stray tears fall from my own eyes into your soft hair seeing you slowly turning into a broken mess in my arms. As I stroke your golden hair in a soothing motion, I could feel my heart pounding erratically. A warm sensation floods throughout my entire body. I feel rejuvenated like I was being born into the world for the first time. I swear, Uruha I’ve never felt like this before. Not even once in my life. You just weren’t a beauty only on the exterior. Your heart as well is pure, emitting out a blinding love even for a stray dog, a creature you’ve never even known before. For the first time, I knew it was okay to fall in love once again. It would be safe to fall in love one more time because if it were you I am sure I won’t get hurt. If it were you Uruha I am sure I will be happy and content. If it were you I am sure I will be loved sincerely with all your heart. I love you, Uruha.
That day onwards I follow you like a mindless puppy. I longed to be with you during every spare moment. My world only revolves around one person, Uruha. Soon, I get so madly obsessed that I start collecting everything which has your touch, empty cans, cigarette butts, used cups and waste bags. I even start stalking you without your knowledge. I just couldn’t help it, my love. I was scared to let you know about my feelings. You are a man and so am I. If a miracle could happen, I would willingly turn into a woman for your sake. But no, such miracles happen only in fairy tales. What if I confessed and you ended up hating me in return? What if you refuse to talk to me again? What if I never get to hold your hand whenever you playfully wrap your hand around mine? What if I never get to put you to sleep whenever you get mindlessly drunk? What if I lose you forever? Such mindless thoughts prevent me from claiming my love openly towards you, Uruha. But still, it doesn’t change the fact that I am hopelessly in love with you. All that I want is for you to look at me, baby. Look at the way, I feel for you. If you do, then I can die without any regrets.
I am left completely shattered when you shyly tell me over the phone that you have fallen in love, and much worse you have fallen in love with a man. Why, Uruha? Why? Why? WHY? Am I, not good enough for you? Didn’t I love you enough? Wasn’t my love enough for you? I knew it was my fault for not telling you the truth. You can’t blame me, baby I was scared. I was frightened of losing you. But still why didn’t you tell me the truth? If only you had told me that you liked men, then I would have immediately…
“Aoi?” You finally realize that I haven’t spoken at all ever since you relayed your happy news. I throw the phone against the wall watching it shatter into pieces.
I start avoiding you from that day on. Whenever you come over to my place to talk to me I slam the door on your face. You remain outside my door, pounding and pleading to open the door. I know you are crying outside the door but I refuse to come out. I knew that if I did, I would lose my sanity. I am so sorry, baby but this is exactly how it has to be from now on. But then you stubbornly refuse to give up, jumping on each and every opportunity to get me to talk. You even once corner me while I was on my way to work. But before you could confront me about my behavior, whether I was behaving like this just because you confessed that you were gay, I violently shove you aside. Your boy friend came out of nowhere and caught hold of you before you fell. He storms towards me and throws a punch on my face. My lip gets cut when his fist connects with my mouth, blood steadily dripping down my chin. Terrified, you scream at your boyfriend and timidly walk over to me in order to wipe the blood off my face. Your eyes are leaking in sorrow. Oh, how I wanted to hold you at that moment? How badly I wanted to kiss your tears away? How badly I wanted to make you mine, Uruha? But when your hand touches my face, I slap your hand off me and walk away. Sayonara, my love.
I turn alcoholic for the very first time in my life. Kai tried his best to force me to quit. He was afraid that I was going to become terribly sick or much worse dead as I repeatedly ignore food for the sake of booze. It doesn’t matter. I have already lost my precious Uruha to an unknown stranger, does it matter whether I continue living or not. You have given up trying to make contact with me ever since the incident on the road. Although, I had given up on laying my eyes on you, there were times when I couldn’t avoid seeing you walk with a genuinely happy smile on your face while walking hand in hand with your boy friend. When I see that smile on your angelic face, I could feel my heart shattering into pieces. Not because you were smiling. Never because you were smiling as I would sell my soul to the Devil just to see you smile. It was because I wasn’t the one who was making you smile. Why, Uruha? Why do you have to be so cruel? Why couldn’t it have been me? Why couldn’t I be the one who made you smile like that? WHY, URUHA?
A year later, news reaches my ears that your boyfriend died due to brain tumor. I know I should be sad. I know I should be unhappy. But no, I am euphoric. I am so happy that I feel disgusted with myself. Please, forgive me my precious, Uruha. Please, don’t hate me, my love. I couldn’t help but rejoice over the imbecile’s death. He doesn’t deserve you. He doesn’t deserve you at all. To me this is nothing but a second chance given by God himself. I really want you, baby. I really need you so bad. This time I will definitely make you mine, angel.
For days you remain shut in your apartment refusing to come out. From what I hear from the neighbors, you had screamed like a lunatic when they had carted your boy friend’s corpse away to the burial grounds. After that you hadn’t left your apartment. Worry was eating my insides painfully. What were you doing inside, Uruha? Were you eating properly? Were you in proper health? Were you still alive? Fear rakes through my body as I run like a mad man towards your apartment. I pound the apartment door, screaming your name out loud. On hearing no sound, I lose my patience and break the door open. You were there on the floor with your cheek resting on the bed. You were as pale as death. I could see very well that you hadn’t been eating at all. I anxiously walk inside the room and crouch beside your frail figure.
“Uru? Uruha?” I desperately try shaking you awake.
You slowly open your tired eyes and take a long glance at me as your eyes slowly adjust to the light. On seeing me, you growl weakly and try pushing me away, beating at my chest with your fragile fists.
“Get out, Aoi. Just get out”, you whimper. It seemed to hurt you to even raise your voice.
I try my best to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall out of my eyes any moment now. I really hate that bastard for destroying my precious angel like this. If it was possible I want to summon him back from the dead and kill him all over once again with my bare hands. Finally giving up on trying to hit me any further, you fling your arms around me. I hold you to my chest as you weep miserably drenching the shirt I was wearing with your tears. I scoop your broken body in my arms and carry you all the way to my apartment. I was frightened when I felt that you had turned really light in just a matter of few days. I run a warm bath for you and bathe you myself. You were too weak to protest or worry about your nakedness. As I scour the vanilla-scented bar of soap on your skin, I could feel the bones protruding out of your almost translucent skin. I felt my heart being ripped into pieces. If it were me, I wouldn’t have allowed you to become like this, Uruha. I swear I could have made you much happier than him. After making sure you were clean, I towel you dry and lift you into my arms one more time and carry you out of the bathroom. Before taking you to bed, I make sure that you ate a full, nutritious meal. You protest and whine but I wouldn’t hear of it. After you had polished the plate off the very last morsel, I put you to bed. I cover you up to the chin with the warm duvet and turn out the bedside lamp. Before I could head to the living room in order to sleep on the uncomfortable couch, you grab my hand.
“Aoi, sleep with me please”, you plead with your glossy amber orbs.
Oh, how could I say no to that precious face? I smile and climb into the bed with you. You wrap your arms and legs around me like a little child. As I caress your soft, golden hair you snuggle deep into my chest pressing your lips against my skin in a thank you kiss. My heart pounds frantically as I try to control my untamed emotions. I kiss you gently on the forehead, urging you to sleep. I remain awake all night to watch over you sleeping peacefully without any nightmares to haunt you.
In the beginning you refuse to talk more than a few words. I felt sad seeing you like that because the Uruha I knew could never shut up for a single moment even when he was begged to. But as days passed you soon start coming out of your cocoon. You start talking more than the past few days. But whenever you open your mouth it was only about your dead boyfriend. How kind he was? How nice he was? How much he loved you? How happy he made you? It was always only about him. Him, him, HIM. I try to remain calm, but baby you are only annoying me. Can’t you open your eyes for once? Can’t you see that I love you more than he ever will? Why won’t you look at me, Angel? Look at what that man has done to you, my precious. He broke you, he deserted you. I would never do something like that to you. WHY CAN’T SEE YOU THAT, URUHA?
I finally reach my limit. You had been ranting your head off as usual about that imbecile making something snap in my mind. I push you to the ground and crawl on top of you. I could see the terror your aureate eyes were reflecting. I could feel your body trembling violently beneath me. But I didn’t care as I pressed my body against you.
“Why is it always him?” I yell making tears appear at the contours of his eyes. “Let me tell you something, Uru that man is a lying bastard. Who the hell drops dead in a matter of 365 days? I bet my ass that he has hidden the secret about his illness to you. He was just using you.”
You slap me in disbelief. You cry that you hate me and demand me to get off you. But it only provokes me further and makes me angrier. I move my head forward and kiss you. I kiss you forcibly, licking and nipping your plump, pouty lips. I slide my tongue in exploring the warm cavern of your mouth. Your taste is so sweet, so sweet that I continue ravaging you, sucking and tasting every nook and cranny. I turn a deaf ear to your whimpering as I rip your shirt open, the crystal buttons flying in different directions. I kiss you everywhere on your beautiful, pale chest marking you with tiny red marks wherever my pierced lips made contact. When my tongue makes a tentative contact with your light pink nipples, you throw your head back in a loud moan. I continue twisting and twirling the hardened nubs encouraging more delicious moans and whimpers as the rigid flesh turns a beautiful red beneath my teeth. I know you are enjoying it with the moans you were releasing.
I continue downward leaving a trail of saliva on your chest and flick my tongue into your belly button savoring the taste of the tiny crevice. I place my hand on your clothed groin and rub it once. Your eyes widen in horror as I press a finger tip against the bulge encased within in your pants. I raise your thighs and proceed to strip you of your pants along with your underwear. My breath hitches due to the beautiful sight exposed before my eyes. The milky white skin of your delectable thighs glowed in my apartment’s fluorescent light. I bite and suck the sweet skin drawing blood to the surface as I marked every inch of the warm tissue. Satisfied with my art, I finally guide your hardened erection completely into my mouth. You scream and plead, begging me to stop. But my mind couldn’t comprehend due to the lack of blood in my brain. I was in cloud nine due to the incredible pleasure I was feeling at the moment. Your vanilla scented skin is driving me into an intoxicated delirium as I move my head up and down; your hardened flesh painfully hitting me at the back of my throat. I knew my throat would soon turn raw, but it didn’t matter as you were more important, my love.
“Aoi”, you scream as you cum hard in my mouth, luscious, salty liquid squirting directly into my inner throat. I swallow every single drop of the pearly white, translucent fluid dutifully like it was a rare elixir. Milking the contents of the slowly softening flesh dry, I move my face of your groin in order to look at your beautiful, pleasure ridden face. My heart fails. You were crying, Uruha. You were crying, salty tears blotching your pale face. I just wanted to die at that moment. I climb off you immediately and help you get off the cold, hard floor. You flinch at my touch and move backwards. Like I feared you hate me now. Sadness tugged at my heart strings as I desperately fling my arms around you, encircling you in an embrace.
“Uruha, I love you”, I breathe in your ear. “Ever since the day I first laid my eyes upon you, ever since you offered me to help me carry my bags, I have been so madly in love with you. For once please look at me, baby.” I shake as tears drip down my cheeks. I cling on to you desperately for dear life afraid of letting you go.
“Let me go, Aoi”, you whimper. “I don’t need anyone. Especially not you, after what you did to me.”
You break my heart once again, Uruha. I let you go. You dress up with the remains of your clothes and without a backward glance storm out of my apartment. When I hear the door slamming, I crumple down to the floor and weep like there is no tomorrow. Uruha, Uruha, URUHA. Why? Why did you choose to abandon me like everyone else? My life is over now, baby. I hope someday you will forgive me.
I collect my body off the floor and walk languidly to the bathroom. I run the water in the tub, without bothering to check the temperature. When the water reaches to the brim, I screw the faucet shut. Grabbing a razor of the mirror closet, I climb into the freezing water without bothering to take my clothes off. The ice cold liquid seeps into my clothes, every goose bump in my body standing out proud. I pull back my sleeve exposing my pale wrist in the dull light. With two swift flicks, I cut the vein on both the wrists. A dull thud reaches my ears as the razor slips my bloody fingers and falls to the dingy, bathroom floor. I submerge deeper into the tub my head lying sloppily on the edge as I close my eyes. Uruha’s angelic face appears in the back of my hazy vision as the water in the tub slowly turns a rich crimson.
“Will you look at me at least in the after life, my precious Uruha?”
A/N: Hey! So well I wanted to post this on my birthday and treat myself to some Aoiha as except for online friends, I don't really have any friends to celebrate it nor do my family members bother about it. But it felt stupid even to my own ears, the prospect of gifting something to themselves LOL. That's why I was like fuck it whatever and decided to post this. Besides I don't think I will manage to post this on my birthday.
I know when you reach the end of this chapter you all would would be like STUPID AUTHOR, LET'S KILL HER :P But I think you would have read the warnings and I have clearly stated Suicide Attempt. You normally call only failed suicides as Suicide Attempts and so obviously Aoi is saved. Of course, there is sequel-chan but I haven't started on it yet as I have been feeling really lifeless these days.
Anyway this story was written in a terribly depressed state and this was kind of my second story for which I had written only the outline way back in April. Also this is a new writing style which I have experimented on, so I hope you find it okay. I got inspired while watching P.S. I LOVE YOU. But this is nothing like the Gerard Butler starrer.
no subject
Well anyway, this was so besutiful! Just as beautiful as it was sad and depressing. But I grow bored of only cheap happines, so I really liked this.
The way you write Aoi's feelings are so authentic and I reall feel all of his emotions.
Poor Aoi, keep getting hurt all the time, and not even Kai (the brightest sunshine in the universe) can help him.
And I feel so bad for Uruha. He doesn't deserve any of it, but what can you do.
And I like your new style, not that I disliked the old one, but news things are always welcome^^
I'm definetly looking forward to the continuation:)
no subject
I am glad u like this..I was so nervous LOL as this exploration of unknown territory..
Aw I m so happy u cud actually feel Aoi's emotions as that was exactly wat I wanted...poor thing always heartbroken..
And yes Uruha doesnt know anything abt Aoi's feelings so he cant be blamed..
I will try writing the continuation when I can..I seriously have so many things to update LOL
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I already read two sad stories today, why do you have to make me cry again? xD
This was so emotional o.o poor Aoi and Uruha x__x it really is sad.. I hope it will turn out all lovey dovey in the last chapter hehe.
Soo if you excuse me now, im going to cry my eyes out and bawl like a little child xD
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Yes the story will have a happy ending so dont worry *wipes ur tears*
Sweetie, I am so sorry *hugs u* even I did cry whenever I was reading this again and again for editing which is really rare as I never cry for my stuff LOL
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-Huggles-
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I am glad you could feel Aoi's desperation as that what I was planning for ^^
Aw my birthday is on the 15th but thank u as this is the first b'day wish ^_^
thanx for commenting
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I dunno what else to say.. at times I thought Aoi being shy is a curse for him lol
I dunno why would you be scared to post this.. Be like me who posts all the rubbish that i can XDDD
btw.. when's your birthday? *w*
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ya i knw but the poor thing was just scared..u knw he was in a relationship for three long years and the bitch just had to tear his heart apart *hugs Aoi kitty*
XD I guess I am a timid person by nature LOL
WHICH IS SO NOT TRUEThe great day DIM album was released JULY 15 ^^
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Yeah.. i understand..but Uruha did scream Aoi when he came *wiggles eyebrows*
I feel extremely high now for some reason.. O.o My brain is malfunctioning XDDD Maybe cuz its late idk >__>
Annnnnd.. I'll try to gift you something Aoiha on your bday! I hope i keep my promise because am lazy as hell.. XD
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Oh ya Uruha couldn't resist Aoi's delicious lips around his AKDHSKFLSDG :D I mean who could??? *Dares u to say otherwise*
U better don't be lazy or i m gonna kill u..I am kidding XD but anything Aoiha is always welcome and gosh I seriously love birthday presents XD so even if not on my b'day at least on a later day okay *puppy eyes*
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Nope... I won't say otherwise at all *smirks*
Am generally not lazy when I'm on a MISSION.. <wahaha.. If I start working tomorrow..I hope I will get it done before 15th.. :D though i haven't thought anything yet XD
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ooooh i m excited XD
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There was a time when i vowed to not read on-going fics.. but I've broken it long back.. XD Dearest IS lovable after all..
I hope i dont disappoint you.. -sweatdrop-
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But Xadow and I completed chapter 1 and we have sent it to our beta..so we will post after she is done ^^ and i m so happy u like it..i think it will be my most favorite story ever ^^
nah u wont i trust u ^_^
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Oh... Looking forward to that!!!
Haha.. ok.. lets see what i can do pfft..
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What the fuck?
Did that just happen?
And why do I have to have all this feels?
ALL THIS FEELS?
Most of all, how could you hurt Aoi this way?
llsdjfskjfdsjfklsjf
Crying so much right now!!!
*cries*
*bawls*
*curls into a ball and dies a slow death*
OH GOD.
That was so sad! You have no idea how heavy and how emotional this story is? I'm not gonna be surprised if you also cried while writing this coz I did while reading, especially at the end! Woman. WOMAN. WHAT THE HELL, SCARLET?
kskdkfkdkskskfkg
I can't even say anything relevant right now.
It hurts. Everywhere hurts after reading this.
I just feel so sorry for Aoi and his never-ending heartbreak. Nothing hurts more than the fact that you've hurt someone you deeply love. OH MY GOD. OH MY FREAKING GOD. EVERYTHING HURTS.
TT_______________TT
And since you've successfully turned me into a huge mess of tears, you deserve a good pat in the back, a tight hug and a huge Aoi plushie for this awesometastic story.
*pats your back*
*hugs you tight*
*gives you giant Aoi plushie*
Hope you update soon, Scarlet-bb. Although this is a heart-breaking story, it is beautiful and I'm excited to read more.
*takes out a box of tissue and continues to cry*
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I am so sorry I turned u into a crying mess *wipes ur tears* and u r right..my eyes turned blurry during the time Aoi removed an almost dying Uruha from his apartment and when Aoi cuts his wrists..
AOI PLUSHIE *kyaaaaaaaaaa* thank u
I didn't even start writing the sequel but damn after seeing u like this I think i will start writing it immediately and update it soon okay ^^
Good thing i didn't update this on my birthday..it wud have sucked to have u all cry T_T
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I'm still crying. I'll probably cry whenever I read this, which is probably often. *sniffs* It's so perfectly angsty. I love it.
And when's your birthday, btw? I don't mind reading this on your birthday but then it's your special day so we hafta be happy on that day! :DDD
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It's so nice to hear u will read it often :)
July 15..i know i want everyone to be happy tats y i didnt post this on my birthday XD
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XDDD
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oh i meant July 15 is my birthday XD
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I was like asdkflljjgklalakk!!!!
That Did Not Happen!!!! Aoi aoi aoi!!! Poor bb! I can't help but feel so sorry for him even though he was a bastard for almost raping uru, but he's so madly in love, what could he do? Uruha, i love you to bits but sometimes you need to open your eyes and see what you really have right? He just took aoi for granted, and me no like.
And that boyfriend he's crying rivers for was a fucktard. Who ruins someone else's life because he's gonna die? Ugh!!
This story, is amazing. Why you no post the sequel earlier? Me wanna moreeeeee!!!!!
*bribes you with aoi*
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Aoi is a poor thing..he is like so broken over his relationships and cudnt take it when Uru kept talking abt his ex
I think u might forgive Uru in chapter 2..poor thing..but OMG u already gt real close by calling Uruha's ex a Fucktard..u will know hw right u r when u read ch 2
ah i wanted to post ch 1 after i was done with ch 2 but i didnt get inspired at all so well i posted ch 1 first..but now i hav an outline ready so i will start writing today ^^
thanx a lot for the lovely comment *hugs*
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I hope Uruha comes back and saves Aoi... I know he's hurting and he didn't deserve any of that. I guess in a way, he's hurting as well. Poor baby. :(
Anyway, I love this fic and I can't wait for the continuation. Love you, sweetie! I hope the days leading up to your birthday are good. (^^)
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U made me confident enough to post this ^^ I am sure Aoi will be saved and yes u cant blame him..it was wrong of him to force Uruha like tat but well he was madly in love..
and hopefully u will understand Uruha's position in chapter 2 ^^
thank u Vero..the days r pathetic but well i try to adjust..thanx for being there for me
^_^
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thank u for readin and commenting
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But it's so beautiful I can hardly wait for the next chapter *sob*
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i will try to post the ending soon okay..
thank u for reading and commenting ^^
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I will try to post the ending soon..
thank u for reading and commenting ^^
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but moving on to what I liked about this fic: OMG the doggy scene and Uru. I have a soft spot for dogs and that scene hit hard D;.
Uru sleeping against Aoi was so cute.
I like that you can see that Aoi is really hurting over Uruha and this may sound mean but I am kinda glad you added that suicide scene cause it adds to the sadness of the story and gives Aoi a lot of depth.
Keep up the good work :D
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okay abt wat u said...Aoi has been with Manami for nearly four years...he has been together with her from high school and then he lived with her in Tokyo for abt three years..so he did love her..but when she betrayed him like tat he was left shattered and destroyed..it really did take a toll on him...
As for Uruha, it was pretty much love at first sight..but he feared loving him coz he was afraid of heart break..but when he got to him know him more he cud see that Uruha is a really sincere person and he cudn't resist falling for him..again Aoi has known Uru for more than a year before Uruha chose to fall for someone else...and tat shattered Aoi even more than wat happened with Manami..
Uruha's ex died after a year since their relationship..but even during that year, Aoi continued to love Uruha and tat was y he cudn't leave him to die in his apartment...
i hope u understand now right?? u might have felt it was too quick coz everything was fit in a single chapter ^^ but it really did take a long time for each of Aoi's emotions to bloom so yes he really was in love with both of them..although the feelings he had for Manami totally got erased due to Uruha's dominance in Aoi's life...
i have a soft corner for dogs too and when i find a dog dead on the street i almost cry...
and Uruha sleeping with Aoi was my most favorite scene too ^^
as for the suicide scene.. the original outline didn't have it..but i was terribly depressed during the time i was writing this and i wanted to make it sad so i did tat to poor Aoi ; _ ; but i m glad u feel it added to the depth ^^ makes me happy i added it XD
thank u and i will try to update part 2 of this when possible
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Really nice story and I really like the "new writing style" ^^;(I'm not 100% sure but I think its the first one I read from you)
Now I have to read aaaalll your other Aoiha love *-*
Hope 2/2 will be there soon ♥
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I m glad u like wat i experimented with and i hope u like my other stories too..i write only Aoiha though ^^"
after i finish some of my updates..i will work on 2/2 ^^
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I've currently completed writing chapter 2... but it requires some heavy editing before I actually plan to post... I'm paranoid about posting something I don't feel is good LOL... so please do wait patiently ヽ(＾Д＾)ﾉ I'll personally let you know if that's what you want... also don't worry Aoi won't die...
Love you as well and I followed your twitter 乂⍲‿⍲乂
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HOW DARE THAT WOMAN CHEAT ON AOI?! QIAOSJHFDREIF
Someone save Aoi! Maybe that someone could be a certain man called Uruha? C:
Gonna read Part 2.
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Yeah there are many people who take advantage of the people they love and use them for their own requirements which is plain cruel..
And yes Aoi gets saved ^_^